I am

I am...
A woman
with a full heart, hidden
Somewhere in an empty room...
with eyes not quite of autumn's gold, and yet
Neither all of summer's green.

I wonder...
If love is a tale made for children -
A granting of sweet dreams in their innocence -
A honey-coating to help their throats
choke down the bitter draught...

I hear...
A voice that whispers warnings, half-formed,
Bodiless as hope, until I swear I cannot draw
another breath unless this spectre be unmasked,
His lies mangled beneath my righteous tread...

I see...
A woman, proud, uncompromising,
Diaphanous as air - less, even, than the tears
that fall in desolation about her weary feet,
Salt poison pooled upon the withered ground...

I want...
A measure of quietude, a certain silence,
The echo of alone which heals me of dreaming,
The nothing that stills the wanting,
The numb, the cold that laughs at pain..
I am
a woman,
hidden...

I pretend...
That I can live forever - that time
has no puissance but that which I afford him -
and so, I can wait, I can be happy tomorrow,
Sleep is for the dead; but its ghosts haunt my waking...

I feel...
Too much - too deeply to be directionless,
Too real for imagining, and yet the familiar eyes
hold nothing of recognition - only my reflection -
a meeting of shadows in sunlit grass...

I touch...
The downy wings of hope, in wonder,
In reverence, in need, in hunger,
Alas, it burns my fingers as a flame,
A sacrilege, self defined...

I worry...
That I am alone, that in my longing,
I have forsaken all - but oh, what reward,
What smile devine should light the path to freedom -
And how can I but heed the siren's call?

I cry...
For having too much for fear of bursting,
and then, when by the pouring of my soul,
I lie, a vessel emptied, I cry again
For what was had, and lost;
I am
A woman
empty...

I understand...
That life is what you make it,
that sometimes, the coat of many colours
that marks your triumphs brightly, blends only
to loneliest of grey...

I say...
That we are made by life, shaped,
Broken perhaps - unmade and voided -
But always, the core of us remains, waiting
with only faith, with trust, to be reborn...

I dream...
Of bluest waters, reaching
with unnatural hands toward the faded sky,
Of dolphins that wander in seas without limits,
Carrying me water-breathing past corals and clouds...

I try...
To lead by example, knowing
That merely the telling holds no power;
A gift of giving is merely a day, while
A gift of knowing spans forever...

I hope...
That my darkness holds you gently,
That pain is halved by sharing, that feeling
wields nothing past the words it summons,
except that it touch you with only healing...
I am
A woman
Only.

Time Stood Still

Life is a tree, enduring harsh winters and blistering summers. For some time , I have not heard the chirping of birds or smelled the new growth as spring approached. Before you, I was enclosed in a dark stage of my life. My growth stopped, and my leaves turned brown as I wilted. But then, a day I will always remember came; a day when you entered my life. Once again, my flowers began to bloom and my leaves were no longer a dull brown, but an alive and fresh green. Hearing the sweet songs of the birds, and feeling the warm summer air brush my face, always brought a smile to my lips.

Many did not realise I was in this dark stage, for I hid my emotions, like a tree. I remained silent. Now, I listen to your tender voice...so warm...so comforting...just like the whispering wind as it blows across the land. It clears my head of troubles. I can feel your warmth as you hold me in your arms, like the sun beating down upon a tree. I stretched out my branches, welcoming the nourishing sun and let it penetrate deep into my soul; deep into my heart.

As I day dream of you now, I marvel at how amazing things are between us. Such a small change hoisted me out of my misery and redirected me to the sunny shores. In the depths of my heart, I know that the sun will not eternally burn and we may not also. When I think of myself going back into darkness, chills are sent throughout my soul. I feel a cold presence without pity or mercy. I've thought of it a lot, trying to find a way to fix the impending fate. As the time draws near, my hope falters, knowing the inevitable. Still, every day you look at me, and every day you fill me with contentment. Your confidence, and how you say that we will make it work, makes me realise that we all have a given amount of time and how we spend it is up to us. I can foresee that when I finally come to my senses, the time will be up.

Going against all logic and reasoning, the best idea is to just live life now and not think about the future. Every day is a gift of life and we all must spend it wisely. As for me, I feel I have made the right decision; to spend my time with a man who makes time stop for me...a man named Paul.

I love you...

I Believe

I believe in long, drenching downpours of rain that soak you through to the bone, leaving you in a shivering bout of ecstasy as you rush inside. I believe that dogs truly are a man’s (or a woman’s) best friend, that nature has its own song, that we’re all one candle short of candelabra.

I believe that poetry is the greatest form of writing and shouldn’t be taken for granted because of its ubiquity. I believe it isn’t fair for children to be smarter than their parents, that you shouldn’t be shunned for what you fear, just understood, that all animals talk in their own special ways, that we, alone, can never achieve world peace.

I believe the end of the world is nigh, that there’s a chance we’re “not alone”, that there’s something to laugh about in everything. I believe that laughter is the best medicine. I believe in love at second sight, and third, and fourth. I believe in second chances. I believe that we choose our own soul mates, that we’re not predestined, that there’s something to love in everyone.

I believe that the Bible is for the Christian as the thesaurus is for the Writer. I believe that school should focus more on the arts instead of sports. I believe we should have Sustained Silent Reading in every class, that spiders are nuisances.

I believe that, though disastrous, cyclones truly are a blessing for they bring everyone together to care for the injured and fix the destruction it left behind. I believe that tornadoes are beautiful and fascinating. I believe that darkness is the cover of iniquity. I believe that no one deserves to be alone.

I believe in being afraid of the dark. I believe that monsters do exist. I believe everyone should experience love. I believe that everyone falls in love at least once in their lifetime.

I believe in sipping soothing, hot, sugary cocoa on a cold winter’s day. I believe in building snowmen out of dirt and still calling it a snowman. I believe that the mind is a precious thing and that too many people take it for granted. I believe that talents should be expressed, not suppressed.

I believe most of us hide our insecurities in laughter. I believe those of us who seem nonchalant are suppressing a hurt that can never be cured. I believe that the rain is the best form of a shower, that thunder and lightning aren’t seen for their pulchritude, but for their ability to frighten.

I believe in staring up at the night sky. I believe in requited love. I believe that a picture tells a million words. I believe in being intimidated, in falling in love at no sight. I believe in being yourself regardless of what others think. I believe in swimming against the current, in walking up the down escalator, in overanalyzing everything.

I believe in trying to find a place in life. I believe in crying over nothing, in laughing when you’re sad. I believe in thinking about nothing in particular, in daydreaming at work. I believe smiles are well spent and well given. I believe that my dog smiles at me when I pet her, and loves me unconditionally. I believe animals sense the truth in everyone. I believe that my dog listens to me when I talk to her and tells me her opinion in her own way.

I believe that parents would understand if they knew how. I believe in running through the grass barefoot on a summer day as the sprinklers drench me with water. I believe in being a child again. I believe that when someone says they hate someone, deep down they truly love them and wish to know them. I believe in standing up for yourself even if the odds are against you.

I believe in writing a song with my heart and giving it to someone I hold dear. I believe in striving to be my best, even when I'm at my worst. I believe that crying isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength, for it takes guts to let everyone else see you cry...