Who? What? Where? Why?

Who are you?

 Me? Little old me? Why... I'm Lauren... And, what does that mean? Oh, well let me attempt to tell you... That means a writer... a lover... a hopeless romantic, a poetic soul, a sister, a daughter, a mother, a mentor, a lover, a fighter, a thinker, a doer. Lazy, active, creative, mundane..…a beacon of truth, a storyteller, a singer. Depends on the day of the week!

I could tell you I'm nothing, I could tell you I'm everything. I could tell you, to some, I am the sun, the moon and the stars... To some, I never have, and never will exist. I could tell you I'm ok with that.

I could tell you that I'm someone who's a lover, not a fighter... But some days, that's not true. Some days, I just wanna start a fight, throw some punches.

I could tell you that I'm a girl who loves the aesthetics, the beauty of things... But that's not true, some days I just hate everything, think it’s all a waste.
 I could tell you that I'm someone who's an awesome writer... According to everyone else... But is that really the case? I suppose that's up to the rest of you.

I could tell you I'm a woman... But in so many ways, I'm only a child.

There are many, many, many things I could tell you... But that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

The only true thing I could tell you, in all truthfulness, is that I'm someone who cares. Sometimes, too much, sometimes, too little, but always, somewhat, somewhere, I will always care.

I'm not really sure who I am to be honest... I can tell you about myself, but who I am??? That's a complex question... After all, I am but a figure of my own imaginings, a built up character, composed of such simplistic things such as my past, a due sum of my wants, my hopes, my fears, my intangible memories of a wantonly forgotten past.

I can tell you what I want. I can tell you why I'm here; I can tell you where I’m going...I can tell you whom I trust... But I can't tell you who I am, for I know not even myself. You'd do better to ask that of one of my friends, or perhaps, of a lover... Or all of them perhaps, because, as we all know, we all see the world differently.

What do you want?

Ooh. Tough one. So many choices. What DO I want...? Suppose I could pen out a few things here...

I want to be happy. I want to walk down the streets and look up at the stars and know my place among them, to feel them smile down at me.

I want to love, and to be loved, I want to share my heart, my mind, my hopes, my fears. I want to be laid bare to the world, while still hiding from myself.

I want to be understood. I want to reach down and slip my hand into that of my lover's, everyday. I want to feel the wind in my hair, as I cruise down a mountainside on a bike. I want to hike those mountains, and bask under the star's light while stretching forth a hand to feel them wrap about my fingers. I wish to watch the sun set over as many rivers and oceans as I can, and I want to swim in the sea under the stars.

I want to touch the stars one day, I want to see life in other worlds, I want to behold another world's sunset with my own eyes.

I want to write, I want to dance, I want to sing. I want to look the world in the eyes, and see respect.

I want to be a good mother, a good sister, a good daughter. I want my family to point at me and say, of her, we are proud. That's our girl. That's my sister. That's my mother. She’s my friend.

I want to love, I want to serve, I want to care, I want to grow myself in ways never done before... I want to take a look at myself in the mirror and wave hello to the friend I see in it.

I want to make love; I want to make war... I want to taste humble defeat, and sweet victory. I want to taste both at once, to swish the bittersweet flavour of dying as I fall victorious, through my bloodstained teeth.

I want to be a shining beacon to those who are lost, an eternal friend to those who find themselves without. I want to crawl out of bed at four am to a dear friend crying, to show them that someone cares.

I want to make the world a better place, and not by going out and saving the planet... But by saving the people in it.

Why are you here?

I'm here to do all I can. To touch a life here, or to save a life there. I am here to be myself, to do everything right... While still messing up.

I'm here to prove to others that a humble, pain filled past is not a death sentence. I am here to prove to the world that we can rise above who it says we are, and be who we think we are, who we are in our soul, who destiny has shown us in our dreams.

I am here to show everyone the potential that we all have that resides within us. I am here to show us all that, we all can be whoever we like.
 I am here to write, and I am here to sing... I am here to hold out my hand to those who have fallen. I am here to fall, I am here to rise. I am here to help and to be helped.
 I am here to be a friend. I am here to be me.

Where are you going?

I am going... Places. I am going forth, I am going back... I am going to change things, I am going to put things right. I am going to fix things, and sometimes, I am going to break them.

Sometimes, I feel stuck in the mud, Sometimes I get sucked down... Doesn't mean I'm failing, just going in a different direction.

I am going to keep an eternal hand stretched into the darkness, waiting for someone to reach for it, and whilst I pull them out with the one hand, I shall put forth the other, constantly waiting for another fallen soul to cry for help. I shall follow friends into that darkness, the darkness from whence I have come, and show them the way out, to save them from the same sort of pain which I carry.

I am going to be great, I am going to be weak... I am going to make someone proud, I am going to make someone hurt... I am going wherever life sees fit to take me, making some changes of my own along the way.

Who do you trust?

Who do I trust? Well first off, the last person I trust is myself, flawed as I am...

I trust in Love. I trust in my lover, I trust in my friends. I trust in the good will of this world, I trust in the goodness of the heart... I trust in the fact that people are inherently good, and I trust that I have a purpose... As do we all.

I trust that I am... Who I am.